The Beginning
“I have loved you unconditionally, and I get this in return?” This is a phrase I have heard tossed around a lot. The very notion that you will get something in return makes your love conditional to begin with. I had this thought while I watched a short on YouTube which suggested that – A man is only loved under a condition that he provides something.
I sort of agree on this but not fully. I believe that everyone in the world loves under conditions be it your friends, extended family, your parents or even YOU. Everyone thinks they love unconditionally, may say often that they love unconditionally. BUT everyone’s love comes with a little * Conditions apply tag attached to it in subscript.
The Aftermath- My Love is Conditional Too
I usually listen to podcasts or YouTube in the morning when I am out for a run. That was the time I heard this on YouTube. I have since then not been able to put this thought aside. Everything I have encountered since then reminds me that all love is CONDITIONAL. Be it my neighbor shouting in all enthusiasm “I LOVE YOU” to her husband in response to him gifting her a car. Which translated to I love you because you bought me a car. Be it a parent withdrawing themselves from their child saying ” Daddy won’t talk to you if you won’t eat.” Which again translated to I am not talking to you because you are not eating. I never looked at things from this prospective, but now that I have I can’t really go back. It is making me uncomfortable, the fact that I do this to everyone I love, my spouse, my family members even my child (the one human I would want my love to be unconditional for). My Love is conditional too.
The Consequences
1. I know from the previous paragraph that the one for sure consequence of conditional love is it may make you compliant for a while but you may not feel yourself.
2. It is clear that I constantly am trying to shape your external behavior to something that pleases me without understanding how you feel inside.
3. As a result you put on all energy into molding yourself to my approval and in turn my start resenting me, and/or inflecting that anger on others or worse on yourself.
4. In the process you become depressed, anxious and maybe even grumpy.
5. Because you’ve listened and have been compliant all your life, the only thing you do is follow orders to make others happy that may even kill creativity and inquisitiveness with in you.
6. Also because you have only listened and obeyed mindlessly, you may even lack moral compass as all you want is to reach to a particular goal that I have set and nothing else matters to you.
7. With all this, although you are always ready to be at my standards of behavior, you may feel less affection towards me each day.
What matters?
1. Motivation instead of being external i.e. If I do something I get something, should rather be internal I do it because I want to do it.
2. Don’t put conditions on love. Love has to be unconditional if you love someone with there flaws without feeling the need to change their behavior. If you do that, they will also love you back and would be in a place to understand you better.
3. Peoples intentions matter more than their action, we have to understand that although they may falter in their actions they are pure with there intentions.
4. Don’t try to control people’s behavior, instead understand they and they will understand you.
Conclusion
What did I derive with all this JUNK?
We all think we love unconditionally but most of the time we are mistaken, we may think praising or punishing is a selfless act on our part, is out of love and is for the betterment of the other person, but we are just manipulating them to achieve what we think is appropriate. We shouldn’t do that as it brings more harm than good. I wouldn’t want to be with such a person, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be that person. I will try improving myself with all these thoughts that I have just put down here.
With this I am dumping my emptying the junk into the dustbin and putting my thoughts to rest here.